-sigh

You know something I miss? I know I talked about it today. But I didn't really say much as to why I missed it, and why it has a value to me. I dreaded when winter came every year, because it meant that freezing cold snow would come. But not until I realized I was having my first Christmas without the tradition of snow, did it bum me out.. I never realized I'd miss snow.. To come to think of it..



I miss the way the little snowflakes would lightly hit the tip of my nose, making my nose turn red. I miss the way it felt cold and it stung, but still it made me slightly happy. I miss the way where you walked through it, you'd leave footprints. I miss the fact that I can't just jump outside and fall down in soft fluffy white snow. I can't make snow angels anymore. I can't make snowmen, or have snowball fights. I can't make myself a fortress when I feel like escaping the warm home and just need a place to call my own.

I remember Rockie and Allie. First year we owned those two dogs. First year we moved into that house. It was our first christmas in our new home, without Miracl and Midnit and it was just us four and the two little dogs. We got a day off of school, because the roads were to bad to drive on. And Victor decided to let the dogs out into the snow for their first time. It was so cute. They were adorable, and I remember Victor decided to see if they would catch snowballs. So he made one, without gloves on naturally, just so his fingers would freeze. Chaz and I were busily making a snowman, and Victor threw a snowball and Rockie jumped up in the air and caught it and ate it. I remember Chaz and I laughing. Then the stupid dogs went running into our neighbors yard. I remember that Christmas. My last Christmas in Ohio I believe. Fun times actually, happy times, even though I knew I'd be coming to Hawaii, where there would be snow.

I didn't think I'd miss it. But in fact, I do.I loved the way it fell lightly, and showered my hair with white little specks. I liked shaking my head, letting the once snowflakes turn into water and just melt. I loved eating the ice cicles found hanging from houses and cars and such. I loved making a fire in our fire place. I loved sitting on the roof at night, watching the snow fall, while the sky was dark. Pretty sight it was. It always seemed like the stars decided to twinkle extra bright those nights. I remember a lot of things, dealing with snow. Memories I thought I would forget but haven't forgotten quite yet.

I guess it's clear to see, that I do in fact miss something from Ohio, besides friends and family. I miss the nights where snow fell. I'm sorry I ever complained about the freezing-ness. Though the hot chocolate always seemed to heat me right up. I'm sorry I complained. I realized that if I could take it all back, all the times I whined and said it was pointless and stupid and I'd never miss it, I would. I do in fact miss snow. Dearly. And it sucks. My first Christmas without it. Fuck, there'd already be snow. But none comes here. I guess, I'll deal. A Christmas is a Christmas, depiste whether it has snow, or not.

It's plain to see, I miss you soft and fluffy white snow.

/Mica~

Fake It~

Who's to know if your soul will fade at all The one you sold to fool the world You lost your self-esteem along the way Yeah Good god you're coming up with reasons Good god you're dragging it out Good god it's the changing of the seasons I feel so raped So follow me down And just fake it if you're out of direction Fake it if you don't belong here Fake it if you feel like affection Woah you're such a fucking hypocrite And you should know that the lies won't hide your flaws No sense in hiding all of yours You gave up on your dreams along the way Yeah Good god you're coming up with reasons Good god you're dragging it out Good god it's the changing of the seasons I feel so raped So follow me down And just fake it if you're out of direction Fake it if you don't belong here Fake it if you feel like affection Woah you're such a fucking hypocrite Whoah Whoah I can fake with the best of anyone I can fake with the best of em all I can fake with the best of anyone I can fake it all Who's to know if your soul will fade at all The one you sold to fool the world You lost your self-esteem along the way Yeah Good god you're coming up with reasons Good god you're dragging it out Good god it's the changing of the seasons I feel so raped So follow me down And just fake it if you're out of direction Fake it if you don't belong here Fake it if you feel like affection Woah you're such a fucking hypocrite Fake it if you're out of direction Fake it if you don't belong here Fake it if you feel like infection Woah you're such a fucking hypocrite

Fake It by Seether is an amazing song. I absolutely adore it. I've been listening to this song all day. I don't know why I love it, but I do. I've always loved Seether and their song Broken featuring Amy Lee, and then I decided to listen to other songs. I've also liked Rise Above It and this song popped up on youtube, and I clicked on the song. And I fell in love with the beat and I fell in love with lyrics. I just adore this song a lot. Fake It, with the best of them all. /Mica~

Michael..

I'm writing today's blog about surgeries. Who better yet could write a blog about surgeries than me? I've had over 13 since I was born.. So I think I should know a lot about them.

But in fact, I don't. All I know is that they helped save me..

Michael, I guess in today's blog, just for you, I'm going to say it's okay..

You can be scared, I know I have been.. It's okay to worry and fret.. that's life, I know you worry a lot, you remind me of myself. It's okay..

Just think about it.. Getting the surgery, because you are regardless of anything, it'll help you further your future with Chanelle. And I know anything that can further your future with her, you'll do. Just think of the positive's on how it can keep you alive, and strong. Just remember despite everything, you'll be okay.

I know you don't believe in God, but I'll pray for you, to be okay during the surgery, because the doctor should know what he/she is doing.

It's okay. You'll be okay.

/Mica~

Life..

I'm learning life is life. We all make mistakes, and only we can acknowledge the mistakes and learn from them.

My mother says she doesn't want me to make the same mistakes as her, but how else am I supposed to learn?

I have to learn through the mistake I made. I can't learn from your mistake..

I just wish life was simple, that it would be easier.

But then an easy life would be a boring life. And I want a challenge. So I guess I'm getting the best of both worlds? I'm getting an easy life in some topics and getting a challenge in some topics.

I know, I'm just a kid, Merely only fifteen years old, but I guess, what I really want to prove is, I'm smarter than most think.. Just because I don't get the best grades at school and I don't apply myself, I guess I've got a little street smarts and got a little wise pieces in me..

I mean I'm not the wisest person you'll ever meet, but I can give a little good advice, when I'm serious..

I just want to learn from my mistakes.. Not from anyone else's..

I need to learn MY WAY not your way.

One last word..

I have nothing to say except;

Goodbye for forever~

It was nice knowing you..
I'm sorry I ruined things between you and my mother. She loved you, and so did Chaz. I guess I just didn't love you the same..

You can come back, but it won't change anything. I hold a grudge, you know that. I'm sorry..

I didn't mean too, but you asked for it, and I fell for it..

Goodbye~

Dear Letters;

In response to Alex's blog, I don't really keep letters, or birthday cards.

I've never really recieved a letter, except from Rochelle, Sylvia and Logan. But I threw away every single one of their letters, except for one from Rochelle that I'm going to throw away as soon as I get a new one from her, and one from Sylvia from October 12th, that I still need to respond too..

I don't like keeping them.. Because it makes me think of the past. And I'm trying to slowly forget about it..

I only kept the two current ones so I remember what we were talking about. That's it.

So Alex, in response to your blog, you keep letters for memories, I keep them to remember what we were talking about.

/Mica~

Dingdong o_O

KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS YOU FUCK-TARD!

that is all o_o


--

haha, I was bored! xD I do stupid stuff when I'm bored D: So yeah, that's all?

Dear lord almighty, save me from this hell home. It is 9:01 pm and I'm going fucking crazy, out of my mind... I'm not acting like myself. And it scares me.. o_o
But not nearly as much as you scare me ;D

/Mica~

I want to talk about you..

Thanks for always being there for me, though I know I haven't always been there for you. It means a lot to me Alex, honestly, it really does. To be honest, I've been avoiding you for a couple days, though I've missed you dearly, I'm afraid you will disappear. Because a person can only have so much good things in their life, ya know? And I was afraid of getting close to you then you disappeared, but I'm letting go of that fear, and I'm going to make you stay, for as long as you want, you are always welcome to stay for forever, if you want, that is. I love you Alex.
-I love you; Mica Ramirez :3

An msn I sent Alex. Yeah, I saved it. Because I cried when I wrote it. I don't want to lose my best friend.

I met him on baltosource, dorky yes I do realize that, but I don't care. I've been on that site for 2 1/2 years, and have actually quite enjoyed it. I got on one day and remember seeing, "Alex Shepherd". Bored, I was checking out everyone's profile and clicked on his name. I read his questions, and I remember leaving a comment on his profile saying I had never seen a profile like his. And then we started talking. For some odd reason, I just wanted to keep talking to him. I didn't care if I annoyed him, or that stuff. I just wanted to keep talking to him.

And then I remember one time telling him to give me his number. He never did. But I figured I bothered him, but I still kept talking to him. Finally, somehow, I got his trust a little, and he gave me his msn! And we started talking a little.

For some odd reason, I just instantly trusted him from the start! And it was weird, because really, I have a trust problem. But I trusted him, and he just, made me like him. Soon enough he became my best friend, because he listened and gave advice to me, when I needed it. He didn't have a problem listening, and it felt nice. I could tell him honestly what was wrong, and he understood. And even if he didn't, he sure of a hell faked it, because I always believed him.

I'd do anything for this kid. If anyone were to hurt him, I'd swim the ocean, and I'm a terrible swimmer, yesterday we went to the beach and I nearly drowned, but anyway, I'd swim the ocean and kick whosevers ass that hurt my boy, Alex.

He's my best friend, though I just met him in June of 2009, so this year! O: He's always going to be there, I can feel it inside of me. And I really do hope he will always be here. It's nice to have him to talk to. I can be my real self around him, and I'm not even around him, so with him, but I'm not with him either. But you know what I mean right? Like, when we talk on msn, I can be my real self. I can cry, and tell him what's bothering me and not feel judged.

I honestly never thought I'd make best friends like this; but I have. Four of them actually o.o

But Alex, he makes me feel loved, and I couldn't lose him, NEVER;

I'm nothing special, but he tells me I am. and with him, I listen. Because I know he would never hurt me.

Alex you truly are my best friend; never forget that; I love you kiddo, :]

/Mica~

Dreaming's A Mistake?

Broken dreams, such sweet sorrow, long nights staying up late, thinking, tossing, turning, wondering why it all seems so real.

I remember when I used to remember my dreams. But then I moved to Hawaii, and everything started getting a little fuzzier day, by day. And now, I just don't remember anything from my dreams. Unless someone says something and it sounds familiar.

You know something I wonder, is why do we dream? I know our brains need a rest sometimes, but technically they aren't at rest if we are dreaming. Is that why I don't remember my dreams, because I'm really not dreaming? That my brain is just resting, because it never gets to rest during the day. I'm constantly thinking, so maybe that's why I can't remember my dreams.

But it used to make me want to cry when at first I couldn't remember my dreams. But now, it just seems natural. I don't even care that I can't remember them at all. Is that bad? I honestly really don't know.. But who cares right? If I don't care, no one else should.

I just wish sometimes I could remember them. I hear people talking about their dreams sometimes and I'm just like "..." because I want to talk about my dreams. But oh well; haha.

Maybe some dreams just aren't meant to be remembered because they weren't anything special.

Pieces/

I'm here again, a thousand miles away from you
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard, thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way

Then I see your face, I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name, I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole

I've come undone
But you make sense of who I am
Like puzzle pieces in your hand

when l see your face, I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name, I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole

I tried so hard, so hard
I tried so hard

Then I see your face, I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name, I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
So you can make me whole


Pieces by Red.
Amazing song.
Slow and sad, but somehow makes me happy, really happy.
I just can't explain how this song relates to me, but it does somehow, and it's favorite song at this moment in life. (:

I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but this is my third post today o.o

Anyway, goodnight; goodmorning or goodevening;

Mica~

Can't Explain It All.

Have you ever had someone who has been there for you through thick and thin? Have you ever thought you’d be alone, but then somehow someone pops into your life and proves you wrong? Is there someone you have to take care of you? Well, I do. Two kids actually. Michael and Alex. My two best friends, for different reasons, but similar as well.

Michael and Alex are my best friends because of multiple reasons, but one reason is that whenever I’m feeling sad or alone, somehow they remind me I’m not. Though I have never met either of them, somehow they know something is wrong over a text or a msn conversation. Even though they have their own problems to worry about, they instantly drop it and help me with mine. And they don’t have too, but they do. And I’m happy they do, though I do feel bad at times. But I’m grateful that they care about me, as much as I care about them.

Despite all the tears and hurt we’ve caused each other, they have remained by my side. They showed me that no matter what, they’ll be there for me. They aren’t leaving my side anytime soon. They care about me, whether I like it or not. And I’m thankful, because it makes me happy, to know I have two great best friends. They show me their caring side, and I’m glad they do. But they also show me their real self, and I show them my real self, and even though I can get real bitchy, they still want to remain by my side, and it puts a smile on my face to know they will stick around.

I know that whenever I feel like shedding a tear or just need someone to listen, they are both there, despite the time zone differences, Texas and New Jersey. Though it sucks that I can’t call them or hear their voice when I need someone the most, it’s nice to know that I can log online and boom, there they both are. Though I’ve never met these two, I can tell them everything. Michael’s been there for me for 2 and a half years. He knows me so much more than any of my other friends, because they saw me, but didn’t see me. But he sees me. He always has. And Alex, though I just befriended him over the summer of 2009, somehow I trusted him instantly. He just has the aurora that feeds off kindness and his nature and personality drew me in to get to know him more. And in less than 4 months, he already knows me more than kids I know in person for years.

I love these two kids, though technically they are both older than me. I trust them with everything I have, and I wouldn’t change either of them in any type of way. They are my best friends, and I couldn’t bear not having them in my life. Michael and Alex, my best friends, forever and always., whether they like it or not. :D